Bipolar, Grief, Maternal deprivation, Mental Health

This child…..

This is a child living through trauma.

You wouldn’t have known. She smiled at everyone and wanted acceptance.

This child’s first overdose was at 18 months old.

This child’s
mother had a mental illness and struggled and felt isolated. She didn’t realise her daughter would take that first unexpected climb to the Ativan of hers that was supposed to be unreachable. It wasn’t her fault.

This child was immediately admitted to hospital for emergency treatment.

This child’s mother was immediately admitted to a psychiatric unit for a year, confused and distraught through fear and separation.

This child never lived with her again.

This child and mother loved each other deeply and have never got over the separation.

This child immediately went to foster care. She was nearly adopted. However, this child returned to her father when her young aunt moved in to the ‘family’ home to prevent this.

This child’s father divorced her mother when she was in hospital and found a new partner, a stepmother.

This child’s aunty returned one day to find her bags packed with no notice.

This child was less than 5 years old separated suddenly again from someone she bonded with – her primary care giver who adored her.

This child’s stepmother was emotionally neglectful and regularly hit her with objects.

This child’s father would belt her around the head. Her head would ring and ring and felt so hot with pain.

This child lived in fear, threatened with reprimand and didn’t understand what she did wrong.

This child always tried to ‘be good’, to please them. Perhaps they were young and they didn’t know better, maybe not intending to hurt her. It still affects her to this day.

This child tried and still tries to make sense of it all.

This child was sad, confused and hurt.

This child ate dinner alone in her room and cried herself to sleep most nights.

This child
had regular night terrors.

This child maintained regular visits to her mother after her year long hospital admission and wished she lived with her.

Another stepmother came along.

This child witnessed daily verbal abuse (occasionally physical) between her father and new stepmother. It was a very volatile relationship. Both used each other’s children in their arguments. The neighbours felt sorry for the children.

This child was kicked out of home at 16 by her stepmother. Her father promised he would move out to a flat to live with her. He didn’t.

This child was a teenager lost.

This child was lucky to have her loving mother and her family and paternal grandparents and two aunties and uncles throughout all this. And the spaniel in this picture. And the fields.

Imagine if she didn’t.

This child is eternally grateful to them.

This child developed a mental illness. Bipolar disorder.

This child went on to become a mother and a twice suicide survivor.

This child became a mental health nurse to help others.

This child was me.

This adult knows others have had it worse. 

This adult does not pity herself. She’s telling her story.

3 thoughts on “This child…..”

  1. hey babes this should be published in other sources! I don’t recall Ever being so moved from a prose piece – your story. You’re a star and an amazing advocate – I’m so proud to know you (in a cyber sense of course.) keep writing too you’re pretty nifty in this area as well. Much love and missing you! Keep the faith xx Charmain aka Champs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello gorg 😘

      Well bloody hell, thank you for such positive feedback, I’m taken back how much of an impact my story has affected you! It’s just me writing from the heart, saying it as it was and is…. I certainly didn’t expect it to be anything special! I wonder where else it may be helpful to publish? 1in4 have published a few of my pieces here on their website, instagram and Twitter with one of them in their book. I just feel it so important to make connections with people through my own story in the hope that it helps others… not sure where to go with it. But it helps me too.

      You are so truly kind and a bloody good cyber mate. Hopefully we’ll meet irl sometime 🙂

      Much love, Jem xx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.